Are We Compatible?
10 Ways To Know If You Are Compatible With Someone
For some reason, I get this question a lot and I am not sure why. But If I had to guess I would say that it because I am an easy going person who loves to analyze really weird stuff and people just know that they can talk to me about anything and everything. So I can assure you that the weirder a thought that pops into your head the more interesting our conversation will be. Why? Well, because I just love unconventional conversations, strange ideas and all of these bizarre interpretations of the reality you can come up with. All of that stuff just gives me the hope that we won’t die of boredom. Because life is too short to take everything so seriously, isn’t it?
Anyways, how can you tell that you are compatible with someone? Well, honestly if you had asked me this question a couple of months ago I would have probably told you to listen to your gut and that’s it. Too simple? Maybe but for my defense, I have to tell you I truly believe that all of the answers to the questions we have within us. We just need to dig deeper into ourselves and look for them.
But don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that it is an easy thing to do because obviously not everything you look for can be found on the surface. Sometimes, especially if we are talking about the answers on deep existential questions we all need to delve into ourselves to be able to find even the tiniest clue. Not to mention that sometimes it takes more than a while… sometimes it takes years to find the right answer. It happens because there are some things in life we all need to be prepared to be able to fully experience and understand them. And I mean to understand them in the best possible way. Otherwise, it will be just a waste of time. Not to mention that most probably it will cause you a great deal of confusion. For this particular reason sometimes it’s better to wait until you feel ready for a particular kind of experience. I mean, to be perfectly honest I always listen to my intuition. I trust my gut and you should too. Because you know when something feels right and when it’s not. You just have to trust yourself and in most cases, you should be fine.
So, that would be all I would have told you about “being compatible with another person” if you had asked me this question a couple months ago obviously… Now, I have actually more to say about that because my friends made me understand this phenomenon on a more rational and linguistic level. So if you are still interested in my opinion on this just give me one more second and you will find out soon.
So before I properly begin, I wanted to give a little disclaimer that I strongly believe that to be able to fully enjoy spending time with another person you need to understand and accept yourself first otherwise it will be extremely difficult to indulge in the sweetness of “togetherness” That’s because a great self-relationship is the key to create and maintain healthy and strong relationships with others. Whether we like it or not this is an essential factor when it comes to looking for every type of relationship compatibility.
And with all of that being said, let’s get to the point.
Ok, I want to confess something. I love creative and unconventional people aka freaks and weirdos because those are visionaries while others are mostly opportunists. People who have created a personal development plan for themselves no matter how weird, are those who in my opinion chase their own dreams and live their life to the fullest. So if you tell me that you don’t fit in anywhere and you love your social life as much as you love your solitude well you came to the right place.
But seriously, how can you tell that you feel someone’s vibe? The answer is: you just feel it and it’s contagious. But seriously, if you feel you have a lot in common, you can talk about anything and everything or just indulge in the beauty of extended silence you are compatible. In other words, if you feel happy just looking at someone (and no we are not talking about being in love) it means you feel their vibe and most probably vice versa…
Well, if you can be yourself and just do you in someone’s presence it’s a great sign. Because there is nothing good in pretending to be someone else in order to trick people. Just think of it. What kind of people you want in your life, those who know and accept your true self or those you like your false persona? Yeah, I know it’s a rhetorical question. But haven’t we all been there? I don’t know about you but when I was younger I felt that I didn’t fully fit at any social group. Oh, my gosh I’m so glad I am a grown-up now and I don’t waste my time on this nonsense. Mostly because being a misfit means being visionary, innovative, creative, highly intelligent and so not opportunistic. Life is too short to blindly follow the crowd or imitate others.
“The one who follows the crowd
will usually get no further than the crowd.
The one who walks alone
is likely to find himself
in places, no one has ever been.”
– Albert Einstein
By this, I mean that our relationships with others have sense only if we can be ourselves in the presence of others. Your tribe should consist of amazing, open-minded and inspirational individuals. So instead of being worried that you don’t fit at any particular group, spend quality time with those who not only accept and respect your personality but above all know how to get the best of you. And remember that if you can just relax and do you in the presence of another person that’s a great sign of being compatible with them.
Let’s talk about eye contact. How long to maintain eye contact? How is it too much and how do you keep it? Well, the answer is quite simple. As much as you feel comfortable. It is said that “The eyes are the mirror of the soul” and this is so true. Eyes not only reveal your personality but also what you think and how you feel in a particular moment. You can easily catch other people’s emotions by looking deep in their eyes. Not to mention that eye contact can be a powerful weapon used for many different purposes. I use it for making an authentic human connection and trust me it does work. Why? Well, simply because you can tell a lot about compatibility from the first look into someone else’s eyes. You just feel it. When I feel comfortable with someone I tend to overdo eye contact because it’s my way of getting to know a new person. So if you’re not used to prolonged and intense eye contact you will probably feel uncomfortable when we met because I really don’t play by society’s rules in this particular case. Sorry, not sorry. But seriously, if eye contact doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable or awkward it’s a good sign. I dare say that it’s the best indicator of compatibility level. So if you’re not sure if you are compatible with someone just look them deeply into their eyes and you will find your answer.
Have you ever felt so uncomfortable with a moment of silence that happened in a conversation that you just wanted to magically disappear? I definitely have. When I was younger I used to cringe at awkward pauses when talking to someone especially with a stranger because I wasn’t confident and I didn’t understand that these moments between the talking can be actually the best part of the whole conversation. Why? Well, because it’s one of the best indicators of a compatibility level between two individuals. Just think about it. The truth is that sometimes a moment of silence is the best part of the whole conversation not only because it gives you time for thinking about what you want to say next but also because it can be an incredibly relaxing and authentic moment of spending time together. Trust me sometimes words aren’t needed. All that matters is someone’s presence. So if a moment of silence happens in a conversation instead of desperately trying to come up with something to say just take a second and think what someone’s silence is telling you? How do you feel? Is this silence relaxing or deafening? Do you feel awkward or comfortable? Are you relaxed or anxious? And use these feelings and observations as a sign that you are or you’re not compatible with someone. But remember one important thing: whatever you feel during a silent moment take it as an indication, not an Oracle. Trust yourself and your feelings and you should be fine.
I’ve got a weird sense of humor that most of the people don’t get at all. My humor can be pretty out there and if I had to describe it I would use some sophisticated adjectives like dark, self-deprecating, surreal, improvisational, sardonic, intense, dirty, creative and quite experiential. People often laugh at things that I say when I’m being serious…and sometimes when I make a joke that no one except me finds funny… awkward…
So as you can probably imagine finding someone who gets my sense of humor is pretty rare. Not to mention that I am well known for making jokes at inappropriate moments. Not that I care personally, because I’ve become used to making “jokes” that one responds to. Unless you take a weird look as a good sign. I don’t. But the real problem happens when some feels offended by my weird jokes or outrageous comments and I have to explain what I really meant with my words. Oh, that’s so embarrassing and really not funny…
But I guess on the bright side if someone gets my sense of humor it means that we’ve got a lot in common. ‘Cause I really think that if two people find the same weird things hilarious they are compatible. At least I use it as an indicator. My weird sense of humor is my compatibility detector 🙂
But I’ve got pretty good reasons for behaving like this I truly believe that
“Life Is Too Short To Be Taken Seriously”.
And I live by this rule.
Everyone is different but some cases can be easily described as “irreconcilable differences”. You can probably tell by now where I am going with this. “Irreconcilable differences” is this magic formula that in a polite way indicates a substantial incompatibility between partners which can be easily described as “we truly hate each other but we’re too civilized to admit it”. It’s a pretty rational approach to the end of a relationship, I would say. Furthermore, I am willing to bet that in most cases the reason for the brake-up was lack of compatibility. But, what do I know, I’ve never been married…
But my point is that even if everyone is different in their own way we still have our own limits, personal boundaries, preferences, needs, and values. It’s our sanctity that we protect at all cost anytime someone tries to invade it. We all know intuitively that when it comes to protecting our integrity and individuality we all need to do that. But at the same time, we tend to drop our guard when we let someone enter our life. Otherwise, there would be no place for any discussion, exchange of views or just genuine human connection that we all crave so much. Even those who like me love their solitude as much as togetherness.
Compatibility does not mean that two individuals have to be almost identical with the same passions, interests, habits, dreams, values or guilty pleasures. People can have a profoundly different view of the world and still be compatible. Because as long as you can accept someone else’s differences without contradicting yourself you have a chance to create a healthy relationship with others. Besides, it is through our differences that we learn and grow personally. Because as human beings we have our perspective and opinions based on our life experiences and sometimes it’s quite difficult to go beyond our own perspective. There is no such thing as objective reality or truth because we discover the world through our senses and our senses are not generally infallible. So these so-called “acceptable differences” are essential in looking not only at the outside world but also in our inner world from another perspective. Sometimes to find an answer to your question you need to look at yourself through someone else’s eyes.
Being normal is so boring. I am not into conventional life choices or following a dominant trend. I am not saying that it’s something wrong with that but it’s definitely not for me. I’d prefer to dedicate my life to looking for answers for existential questions. Yeah, I know that seems like an excuse for a person who doesn’t want to grow up. But, hey who told you that there is only one model of being a grown-up? Personally, I don’t buy. Everyone should create a life they want to live and I mean the kind of life you don’t need to take a vacation from. Because it’s the only way to chase your dreams and pursue your happiness. Otherwise, you will end up creating the kind of future you don’t want to have. I know that people are easily thrown off balance by something non-traditional but until you are comfortable with your choices and you respect yourself and others you should follow your own path.
Conflict can be actually a good thing. Why? Well, because sometimes it’s the only way to get someone’s perspective and honest opinion on something. Besides we learn a lot about others during the conflict with them. If you are able to fight fair you discovered a healthy way to handle a conflict. But if you feel disrespected, offended or even humiliated during the fight that is a huge red flag that you cannot ignore because it can and usually is a prelude to something more serious. Having said that, in a healthy relation communication is a key and conflict is a form of communication. Besides, I truly believe that you can tell a lot about compatibility from the way you fight or compromise. So next time you will be exchanging your opinion and different point of view observe how another person reacts and responds to you. And ask yourself: What is the thing I can learn from it? And do it, learn your lesson.
Feeling that you can talk about anything and everything without feeling embarrassed or awkward? There are no irrelevant discourse, inappropriate subjects or intrusive questions just a natural rhythm of your conversation? Do you feel comfortable, relaxed and in high spirits talking to someone? If your answer is yes it means that you are compatible. So if conversation flows naturally without awkward moments of silence you can relax because it’s a very good sign. And just in case, don’t worry about choosing the right deep conversation topic with existential questions because most people may feel a bit uncomfortable talking about that with a person who they have just met. Just do you, be your authentic self aka the best version of yourself and just enjoy the conversation.
Your gut is your “second brain” not only in terms of health but also when it comes to taking decisions and making life choices. The reason for that is actually quite simple. Your brain and your gut aka “second brain” are inexorably connected. However, there exists a substantial difference between them. While the former is a rational one the latter is an intuitive one. Which is why I truly believe that the best thing to do is to do the average and try to analyze the information we get from our body or more precisely from our integrated mind, body, and spirit. In my personal opinion, it’s best if not the only way to make important life decisions mindfully.
But talking about why you should trust your gut especially when it comes to meeting new people. Why? Well, mostly because your “gut instinct” is personal, pure, authentic and intimate which basically means that it cannot be neither wrong or manipulated by others. Besides your intuition connects your mind, body, and spirit in the most authentic and mindful way possible. For this particular reason, there is no possibility of confusion but under one condition, you have to really listen to your intuition. Your intuition is your life guidance, the best you can ever get because it is based on your past experiences which makes it so effective when it comes to making life decisions.
Know what the best part about it is? Trusting your gut is the ultimate act of trusting yourself. It’s your superpower. Never underestimate it. Use it to your advantage. Venture out into the world and dedicate your time to meaningful relationships.
And find your tribe