Stop negative self-talk
Negative self-talk is a dangerous and destructive force. Let’s be realistic, there is nothing good about this. Talking to yourself in an awful and nasty way can only make you feel depressed and hopeless. We all know that words can be a powerful weapon and even if they cannot change our reality they definitely change our perception of it. If you do not pay attention to your inner monologue, it is easy to confuse two completely different dimensions of it; negative self-talk and our inner critic. The former is judgmental and harmful and the latter one can be really beneficial, in terms of developing self-consciousness and self-awareness. However, to be able to distinguish between them you need to be mindful and conscious. It is always important to pay attention to the words you speak to yourself. If they are making you feel bad about yourself you should stop this inner monologue, observe carefully what are you saying and how these words affect you, write it down and try to find evidence for this hateful words. There is NO evidence, am I right!? You just let your lack of confidence and low self-esteem to speak up. Then, when you do this you can consciously change your negative self-talk into a positive one. It takes time, practice and patience but it is not as hard as you think. It can be done in a couple of steps, here they are:
- Notice your negative self-talk and work to change it (write down all the negative, nasty words you say to yourself)
- Replace negative beliefs with positive affirmations (focus on positive by writing down things you like in yourself and those that you are grateful for!)
- Remember you are not your thoughts (beliefs are NOT facts!)
- Control your mind, don’t let it control you
- Show compassion to yourself (treat yourself like you treat people you truly love)
- Develop a positive attitude toward life by staying away from negativity
Remember that “Your vibe attracts your tribe”
You probably heard this many times before but, did you really applied it to your everyday life? Have you ever think about what kind of people do you attract?
Have you ever noticed in what kind of situations you constantly find yourself in? Is there any particular pattern you recognize? From my personal experience, I can tell you, that it’s not always that simple. We all know that sometimes to notice in what way our actions and relationships affects us we have to look at our life from a different perspective, different mindset without any judgment, just in the more neutral way. Try to do this and ask yourself a simple question: What would you tell yourself? Would you be confident and satisfied with your choices? Is the relationship you’re in, your circle of friends, your job, studies, the way you spend your free time make you really happy? Is every single aspect of your life affects you more in a positive or negative way? You have to answer yourself to these questions in order to understand what kind of vibe you get off and what vibes come off you. If you have negative energy in your life don’t worry, understanding this means that you’re a halfway through. These are my tips to overcome negativity in your life:
- Always surround yourself with those who make you happy
- Stay away from negative people who feed themselves with negative energy, especially avoid energetic vampires they are the worst type of people. I know what am talking about, I’ve been there… many times…
- Upload positivity to your brain (think & act positively), if you feel negative energy don’t fight with it just walk away. If it’s not possible to do it immediately, just take a minute for yourself, close your eyes and take some deep breaths
- Meditate – guided meditation helps me to get rid of negative energy on a daily basis
- Search for inspiration online, in your neighborhood, in your own mind.
- Learn about Law of attraction and remember it is not about visualization but rather about taking some ACTION & BELIEVE in it
- And yes I know, sometimes it’s really hard to see even a tiny ray of hope but remembers that there is always hope and some decent solution to any type of difficult situation!
Push through self-limiting beliefs
Do you have negative beliefs about yourself? Do you constantly feel that you are not good enough, smart enough or strong enough? Did you ever wonder where these beliefs come from? Because I can assure you, that if you have these negative beliefs and opinions about yourself you did NOT create them by yourself. There was somebody else who did this, maybe you grew up in a dysfunctional family or was in a bad relationship. Whatever the reason is you have to understand that it is NOT your reality. All these self-limiting beliefs are false. You just let your low self-esteem and lack of confidence to speak up. And you know what, you can change this. This is not going to be an easy process but it is worth trying! You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.
- Fake it till you make it – no one is born confident or with lack of confidence. When we are babies we learn how to behave by watching and copying others people’s behavior, especially our parents and other family members. They are our first point of reference. And unfortunately, not always the best one. By this, I mean that, a lot of children grow up in a highly dysfunctional environment and because they are adolescents they are highly dependent on adults. It is extremely sad and just unfair. As we know from the science of psychology, children who grew up in a dysfunctional family unconsciously follow an exact pathological energetic pattern which affects every aspect of their lives. But you know what? If it is your case, I’ve got some good news for you. You can change this dysfunctional pattern through mindful and conscious hard work. What is more, you can build your confidence, improve your self-esteem and push through self-limiting beliefs which I stated before are FALSE. Yes, it requires great effort, time and patience but it is possible and worth it! Be mindful, listen to your intuition and always remember that limits are only in your head, they are not real! Do not overthink, act, get out from your comfort zone. If you won’t try, it will never happen!
- Disable the black filter – Often we engage ourselves in negative, catastrophic thinking without even realizing this. Negative energy is built into a lack of confidence and low self-esteem. They get along really well and work to destroy us. Fortunately, without our permission, they will fail in their attempt.
Remember that the only one who is holding you back is YOU!
Personally, I don’t believe in limits. But I used to in the past. For most of my life, I’ve been told that I cannot do something because I was not smart enough, strong enough or tenacious enough… and other bullshit. I just cannot understand why people tell this kind of bullshit to anyone. What purpose does it serve, if any, for them? It is just pure nonsense. However, for most of my life I believed in these hurtful words and in consequence I stayed for a long time in my comfort zone. Such a waste of precious time… And then a couple of years ago I had a great epiphany, just out of nowhere. I told myself, wait why do I even believe in these limits? I did NOT create them, others did. But I am the only one who is in charge of my own life and there is only one thing that is holding me back – fear. The fear of positive change. What if I had done what I always wanted to do and I would have succeeded? I understood that I let my self-doubt and low self-esteem to control me. So simple. Limits exist only in our head, they are not real. And If you challenge yourself and take a step out of your comfort zone you will see it clearly.
- Write down all your self-limiting beliefs and ask yourself if you can find an undeniable proof of them. By this, I mean a real evidence. Because, you know, in my personal experience I have learned that it is mostly our fear that is holding us back. It is also scientifically proved that our mind always tries to protect us from the unknown, in case there is some potential danger for our safety. In other words, when our body perceives something as a threat or danger the adrenal gland start to produce cortisol – our stress hormone, to protect us. However, if the cortisol level is constantly high the amount of stress we perceive will harm our body. That is why, if you want to overcome this mostly irrational fear of the unknown you have to adopt a different mindset. Because learning something new and constantly challenging yourself play a key role in your personal growth and your well-being. That is why is so important to overcome the fear of the unknown on a daily basis otherwise you will waste the best opportunities by staying in your comfort zone. When I feel overwhelmed by fear, I always recall the famous words of Mark Twain:
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
- Have your focus on something you really want to achieve, set up your goal structure, make a schedule and stick to it. Remember that conscientiousness. and perseverance is key to success. If you find it difficult to focus, I highly recommend you to meditate. In my personal opinion guided meditations are the most efficient because they increase your mindfulness which itself brings focus, clarity, and peace. What is even more beneficial, practicing mindfulness through meditation improves both mental and physical health which is fundamental in creating balance in your life. The best way is to schedule your meditation on a daily basis. Find the best moment during the day, when you can focus only on yourself, make yourself comfortable and practice mindfulness through meditation techniques. If you find it hard to focus, don’t worry it takes time and patience.
- Engage yourself with things you love doing, in relationships that empower you and surround yourself with positive energy. Because, if you do things that you hate on a daily basis and hang out with people you generally don’t get along with you will end up depressed and hopeless. Obviously, if you cannot change your situation immediately, make a plan, define your goals and then under appropriate circumstances realize them!
- Make a list of possible, decent solution every single time you find yourself in a difficult situation. If you feel hopeless, scared and your anxiety kicks you in just stop, wait, observe what is really happening to you. How do you exactly feel? What are your thoughts? Try to identify your emotions not judging them. Think about possible, decent solutions to the problem you have and write everything down. However, try not to overthink, write down your thought, ideas and possible solutions to your problem. Look at your list and take your action step by step in a mindful, conscious way!
Give yourself a credit for every small achievement
- Validating yourself everytime you achieve your goal is crucial because by consistent small achievements we are making a real-life progress and we build self-confidence. Life is made up of tiny victories and simple pleasures and by being grateful for them gives your life meaning. For me personally, it is the real-life essence and some kind of mind-body purifying experience. Real katharsis.
- Meditate on a daily basis – Try some guided meditation that you can easily find online for positive affirmations and self-confidence
- Practice mindfulness techniques – it is the best way to learn how to control your mind. Why you should be in control of your mind? Because if you’re not it will control you. If you experienced a mental or nervous breakdown, depression or any kind of mental disorder you probably know how powerful and uncompromising our mind can be.
- Remember that mindfulness provides balance in our life
- Be grateful for everything you have
Build a healthy relationship with yourself
- Become your best friend
- Learn positive self-talk by validating yourself and being grateful on a daily basis
- Treat yourself with compassion and respect, in the exact way you treat people you really love and care about. It’s not that hard if you adopt self-care and gratitude mindset.
- Practice forgiveness – forgiveness is NOT about others but about you. Because through the pain we can experience catharsis and spiritual growth. Nothing happens without a reason, you just have to learn how to read signs that life shows you.
- Live life of personal growth – empower yourself with knowledge. Read, write, study new things, acquire new skills, challenge yourself.
Learn from other people’s experiences
- Learning from other people’s experience is a part of human nature. We are social creatures and by sharing our story, with others we create essential human interaction. It is said that we all learn from our mistakes, but reading and talking to others can actually protect us from future problems.
- Find your source of inspiration & people you can admire. Because we can always relate to somebody’s else experience and learn from other people’s stories. If you feel left alone with your problems, remember that there are many different people who have been in the same situation you are now and they can help you by giving you some good advice. Not only this awareness can give you hope but also helps you find the right solution. If you look on the internet, search for a particular online forum, blogs, free ebooks you will find an inspiration, some good advice, and real-life motivation.
Hope you find these tips to build your confidence useful!