DISCLAIMER:

I’m a nice person. So if I’m a b*tch to you, you need to ask yourself why.

A while ago I’ve written a post about sh*tty people’s behavior but I really don’t think that I’ve exhausted this extremely important topic so here is a continuation. By the way, I’m getting a distinct impression that this could be a series. Because, my dears, I’ve got a lot to say about it.

Probably because over the last few years I’ve been practicing mindfulness what definitely made me more self-conscious and self-aware. Furthermore, I’ve started noticing my odd behaviors and reasons behind them which obviously has a direct bearing on investigating and interpreting other people’s behavior. Of course, I’m not ruling out the possibility that in some particular cases it can be only a projection but I can assure you that throughout this process I try to be as honest, impartial and objective as possible. I was going to add “respectful” to this sentence but that would be a little too much. Don’t you think? We don’t want to be too sarcastic or whatever. Do we?

Anyway, after this long introduction let’s move to the real issue. The one that brought us together here which is: evil, wicked look. I should probably use the term “stare” which makes it even more clear. I’m sure you know exactly what I am talking about.

And one more thing, between you and me… remember that I don’t want to be rude or offend anybody but I just need to get it off my chest. I’m just spreading awareness…guys… I’m just spreading awareness.

So, let’s get straight to the point. One, quick question. Have you ever been given a dirty look by a complete stranger in public? You know, this kind of situation when you tell yourself: gosh if looks could kill… I would be already dead… This kind of weird, evil look that makes you freeze. Someone is staring at you. You don’t know this person from anything. You have absolutely no idea who it is. You’ve never seen this person before in your life. But still, this person is looking at you up and down with disgust. And you start thinking: What the hell? Is there something wrong with me? Did a bird shit thing on my head or what? All kinds of thoughts go racing through your mind. Or even better, your mind gets racing with thoughts. And then your heart starts to beat faster, your breathing becomes erratic and cold sweat’s running down your neck… and you feel like you are about to have a panic attack… All this because of an evil look of a random person… Yep… sounds crazy but actually, it happens a lot. And I mean a LOT. Especially if you are an anxious person and you struggle with very low self-esteem, self-worth, and self-belief.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

― Eleanor Roosevelt, This is My Story

Believe me or not but that was me in the past. When I was a teenager I had such a hard time when someone was giving me this evil, dirty look. It never occurred to me that maybe there was something wrong with that person not with me. Probably because I was raised by two narcissists and it was my everyday reality. I was conditioned to think that I’m the problem… oh, well…

Now, when I think about this it makes me a bit sad because children should be protected, loved, respected and encouraged to think independently. But unfortunately, it’s not always the case. But, if you can relate to this remember that there is a way out of this. It’s not going to be easy but it’s possible and it’s worth it! What you have to do is to start working on your self-esteem and self-worth. There are many different ways to do that. For me, the most helpful was and still is Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn R.Schiraldi. I highly recommend you to get it, read it and live it. I can assure you that this book is incredibly helpful. I wish I had read it before… Well, better late than never.  

Anyway, talking about people who give you this disgusting, evil, wicked look with no reason at all. First of all, you should know that if it happens it means that you are dealing with a passive-aggressive person. So, the problem is not you, it’s them. Of course, it’s not your job to identify, understand and solve their problems. What you have to do is to protect yourself. Protect your sanity, well-being, and peace of mind. Because given them your attention will only feed their sick ego. And we really want to avoid this. Besides, there is a hidden agenda behind this look. People who do this, do this for a specific purpose which is to kill your confidence and self-esteem. They want you to feel bad about yourself. To question your sanity. And why they do this? Because they are pathologically jealous and envious. And they can’t deal with these feelings. You’ve got something they wish they had. And because of that, they feel deeply insecure and bad about themselves. But instead of changing their situation and working on their self-esteem they chose to put others down. That’s a sick game. But if you pay enough attention to people’s behavior you will notice that its actually a game a lot of people like to play. So keep that in mind before you even think to react to these people. And by “these people” I mean narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths and any other type of sadist you can possibly find in today’s society. So, watch out and be prepared for them to cross your path. Because sooner or later it will happen and you will need to respond to this situation. Rember that everything is in your hands, especially your self-respect. Don’t let these evil people provoke you and draw you into their sick game because you will lose. Besides, I really believe that this is a lose-lose situation. I really don’t see how someone could benefit from this. Of course, a person who gives you this dirty, evil look enjoys it especially if it makes you feel extremely uncomfortable. However, it’s a sick pleasure that has nothing to do with real happiness or joy. It’s a road to self-destruction. But it’s their choice. And at the same time, we will focus on possible reactions to this type of behavior. So, let’s get to this.

Try to imagine a hypothetical situation: you are in a business meeting, you’re eating a delicious meal in the restaurant or you’re enjoying your coffee in your favorite café, maybe you’re in a post office, in a grocery shop or in a mall. Just imagine any type of public place or social situation you could find yourself in. And then imagine that there is a complete stranger that is giving you this evil, wicked look. This person rolls their eyes on you, looks at you disgustingly, they mean mugs you and looks you up and down. In other words, someone is trying their best to attack and sabotage your self-esteem and confidence, undermind you and bring you down by using their eyes. It’s sick and disgusting but for this kind of person, it actually makes sense. Or better, for them, it is just the way of living they’ve chosen.

So you’ve found yourself in a situation like this. Maybe it’s even emotionally triggering you. Probably it is.

You don’t even know what it is yet but you are already feeling uncomfortable. Someone is making you feel uncomfortable with their wicked stare. And why they are doing this? Well, the answer is quick simple actually. They are trying to make you feel uncomfortable because in their mind you’re making them uncomfortable with your presence. It calls a PROJECTION. 

No more or less than a typical shameless projection. These people are unable to deal with their jealousy so they project their low self-esteem, lack of confidence and probably even lack of self on the others. They try to make you feel miserable without even getting their hands dirty. Right now, it seems a bit funny but when you’re the target of this kind of individual it can be very disturbing.

What making this particular experience even more obnoxious is its perverse dynamic. I mean, anybody in their right mind wouldn’t do anything like that, right? But we are talking here about narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths who try to extract narcissistic supply this way. And that’s creepy as f*ck. Not only because it’s not normal but because it’s sick and sadistic. Unfortunately, if you’re not paying enough attention it’s easy to fall into their trap and actually give them narcissistic supply. And I know exactly what I am talking about because I’ve been there many times.

So, again you find yourself in this kind of situation, not a pretty one. And what you should do? Well, first of all. Stop right there. Take a deep breath. Reassure yourself by using your senses. Look around. Be mindful. Don’t let this person provoke you. Because it’s exactly what they want to. And remember that:

I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

- George Bernard Show

Dealing with an evil, wicked stare in simple steps:

1. Stay focus, mindful and calm

• Focus on a present moment
• Pay attention to the full experience
• Focus on facts, not emotions or thoughts
• Breathe mindfully

2. Respond not React

• Do NOT react if you react you give this person attention
• Don’t give them eye contact ( unless you feel very confident) or any other attention neither negative nor positive
• Don’t feed into the drama
• Compose yourself - Breathe - Stay focus
• Don’t let anybody to question your sanity
• Don’t fall into this trap
• Ignore - pretend that this person is not even there - take care of your own soul
• The only thing worse than being hated is being ignored.

3. Kill them with kindness

• Be nice even though your ‘enemy’ is not being so
• Disarm, confuse, or bother one by treating them with excessive favor or kindness. If you don’t believe me try this and you will see what happens
• Remember that Miserable loves company
• Manage negativity and use it to your advantage

4. Keep a positive vibe

• Enjoy yourself
• Stay positive, because at the end of the day only your health and well-being matter
• Maintain your inner balance
• When evil people  notice that they have no power over you, you WIN
• Passive-aggressive behavior only works when you feel offended, hurt or upset

5. Celebrate your victory

• Acknowledge your accomplishments
• Treat yourself
• Learn from it, move on!

Stay positive

Be mindful 

And protect yourself from the evil eye

Take care

x Kate