Disclaimer

Please always remember that there is no quick fix for any mental health issue. In order to overcome it, you have to address your problem and ask for help a mental health professional. There are many mental health institutions where you can find professional support. Suffering in secret is never a good idea. Mental health professionals are out there to help people with any type of mental health issue. Don’t minimize your problems, sometimes everyone needs help and there is nothing to be ashamed of. If you find it difficult to go to the mental health institution just call a helpline (you can easily find a number online and it’s free!)

Remember you are not alone even if you feel this way. Many people have mental health problems especially in today’s world where it becomes more and more difficult to cope with stress and anxiety.

I’m living my dream… no, wait it’s a nightmare…

How to wake up from a nightmare if you are not asleep? How to banish those shadowy phantoms from your mind if they are not vulnerable to daylight? How to run when you can’t even walk? How to take a decision if you are too scared to be very lucid? How to feel anything if you are completely numb? How to keep your eyes opened when your eyelids are getting heavier and heavier? How to identify shapes and colors if you’ve got a blurry vision? How to keep your head above the water if you cannot even swim? How to ask for help if you are mute? Or maybe you just lost the meaning of all the words? You’ve lost in translation because no one even tried to understand you. Or maybe you didn’t try hard enough to make it clear? Have you ever thought about it? It’s not like no one cares. Maybe it’s only you that does not care? Or maybe you are just too scared to admit that you actually care about yourself. Maybe you are just too scared to fight for yourself? Maybe you just don’t know how? Is it possible? Just think about it. Maybe if you just could let other people in your own world they would help you. Maybe if you could just ask for help everything would change? If you could just try… instead of swimming in the ocean of sadness… If you could try… Just try… You really think that you can’t?! Of course, you CAN! The only one holding you back is YOU. Only you no one else. 

Maybe you’ve tried before and it didn’t work out. Maybe you’ve already asked for help and you didn’t receive any. Maybe. Probably. I totally get it. I’ve been there more than once. But even if you feel hopeless you cannot give up. Not now. Especially not now. Here’s the exact moment you need to try again. I want you to brace yourself. You know why? Because you can do it! Of course, you can. If the voice in your head is telling you something completely different tell it to shut the f*ck up. And that’s it. You are the captain of your own ship. And no one else. And you know it. We all know it.

I know you’re very tired and you wish you could just rest. I know that you wish you could just fall asleep and wake up when it’s over. For you, it probably doesn’t matter how long it will take. It could be a month, two months or even half of a year. It doesn’t matter, right? I get you. I really do. I’ve been there more than once. I’ve been in hell and back so many times that I can’t even count. But you know what? Even if I have to go there again I will be back, anyway. If this is my path I accept it. You know why? Because I am not giving up. Neither today nor tomorrow. I don’t care how hard it will be. I made up my mind. I’ve made my decision and I’m not giving up. Neither now nor tomorrow.

Face your fears and they will stop overwhelming you.

What? Do you want to be alone? You don’t mean it. It’s your fear telling you these lies. What? You wish you just could wait out the storm in a safe place. Just fall asleep and back to the land of dreams. But wait. What if it means waking up into a nightmare all over again? Have you ever thought about that? Try to look at this from a completely different perspective. Wait a second. Just think about it. What if to break all this vicious circle, all you need to do is not allow yourself to be alarmed. That way, your senses won’t be heightened and your feelings of loneliness and isolation and negative self-talk won’t overwhelm you. Face your fears and they will stop overwhelming you.

No, it’s not your real life. It’s only part of your dream. You’re begun to dream with eyes opened, again. Except, this time it’s a nightmare. But still, it’s only a nightmare, not the reality. And you know what? I will tell you a secret. Every single time you think you can’t go on it’s your fear that tells you all this bulls*it. Fear will always be around to tell you what you can’t do - it’s up to you to face your fears. If you want to be free you need to face your demons first. And at the precise moment you decide to do it you will realize that your fears are more like a toothless beast, it no longer has the bite. Unless you let it. Face your demons and they will stop chasing you.

Face your demons and they will stop chasing you.

What? What if there is no way out? What are you saying? You wish you could just go away and never turn back. You wish you could run away but you are too depressed to even get up from your bed… But you can’t because even your fingerprints are depressed. Wait, you are too depressed to even care about your depression? You start to feel weak, hopeless and powerless. You stop even recognizing yourself…

But then something even weirder happens… Your mind seems to be detached from your body. Wait, what? You feel completely disconnected from your body and self? So how do exactly feel right now? What? Quite relaxed? Yeah, I get you. It’s supposed to be quite terrifying. But instead, it’s a very curious and somehow thrilling feeling. You are just lying in your bed motionless. Not even terrified just disconnected from yourself. It starts to feel good. Incredibly good. You’re not afraid anymore because you made yourself emotionally numb and you silenced your negative self-talk. Well, that is a relief. Kinda bizarre, but still it’s a relief. But unfortunately, it won’t make your problems disappear. You need to face your problems but you don’t have to do it alone.

So take out a pen and a piece of paper and start writing a letter to yourself acknowledging how hard is to struggle with depression and tell yourself that you will always be there for yourself, always by your side. Make a pact with yourself, promise yourself that you will never give up. Even if life hurts like hell. Especially in the moment like this. 

Mindful self-compassion

Write a self-compassion letter. And then get out of your comfort zone and accept the help that others are offering you. You just need to ask for help and then accept it. You are NOT alone. And you will never be alone. You just need to see it. Open your eyes and look around. Just look around. You are not alone. And you will never be. I believe in YOU!

Take care

Stay strong 

and never give up!

x Kate