Table of Contents
The Power Of Being Unbothered
How to handle difficult people?
How to deal with negative comments?
How to win every argument?
How to stop carrying about what others think?
How to stop giving a f*ck about things that don’t matter?
How to remain unbothered on focus on yourself?
Well, the answer is quite simple: if you want to remain unbothered, stop worrying about the things you cannot control and regain control to live a life that’s focused on your true priorities you need to start practising the art of being unbothered. And to help you with that here are 5 simple ways to do that.
Before we move on to the 5 simple ways to practice the art of being unbothered, let’s look at the definition of this word:
1. Stop Falling Into Comparison Trap
As human beings, we love to compare our worst to someone else’s best. And correct me if I am wrong but this kind of love is extremely toxic. We do it all the time even if it makes us feel worse and worse. We compare our failures with someone else’s wins. We compare our mistakes with someone else’s best life decisions. We compare our weaknesses with someone else’s strengths. We compare our sickness with someone else’s healthiness. We compare our bad hair day to someone else’s best hair day (I’m sorry. I couldn’t help myself) I used the last example to emphasise how unhealthy, toxic and ridiculous comparison can be. But is comparing yourself to others always a bad thing? Well, it depends.
Comparison is a natural psychological tendency, or more precisely a tool to acquire information that we can use to our advantage or quite the opposite. This is evident for example when you think about someone else’s achievements. Because you can use someone else as a representation of where you want to be in the future or interpret their success as a sign of your inferiority. The first approach is very positive because it helps you to gain a huge drive and inspiration to succeed, while the second one will only make you feel jealous of other people’s achievements. In other words, comparison can be healthy and serve you as a tool to achieve success or unhealthy and sabotage your progress. So be honest with yourself, listen to your gut and use the comparison tool to your advantage.
2. Keep Your Expectations In Check
Let’s talk about the biggest source of disappointments in pretty much every area of our lives: expectations. And don’t get me wrong. I do believe that clear and realistic expectations can inspire and motivate us to work hard towards our goals. The only problem is, the expectations we usually set for ourselves and others are extremely high, and thus it is impossible to meet them. But instead of keeping our expectations is check we let them control our lives. That’s why when things don’t turn out as we planned we suffer. But the truth is, it doesn’t always work out the way we want it and that’s completely fine.
Sometimes we don’t know what’s best for us and what’s truly meant to be until it surprises us. And that’s the beauty of life. But if you cling to your high expectations you may miss a unique opportunity life gives you. High expectations block our progress, make us stuck, create suffering not because we failed but because things didn’t turn out 100% as we wanted. That’s insane.
High expectations create an illusion of certainty, a deluded perception that we can control everything and everyone – which is not the case. There are plenty of things you cannot control in life but it doesn’t mean that you can succeed. You can succeed but you need to stay open to different opportunities and accept that sometimes plan B works much better than plan A. So instead of setting high expectations for yourself and others focus your energy on progress. Take action and get the results.
3. Protect Your Energy
Have you ever talked to someone so convinced that they know you better than you know yourself that it made you feel extremely uncomfortable? I mean this kind of conversation when you speak openly about your thoughts and emotions making yourself clear and then the person comes up with something about you which is completely ridiculous and does not fit who you are at all? And what’s worse, the more you try to correct them the harder they try to prove you’re wrong. What a pain in the neck. In this sort of situation, you can be sure that the person you’re talking to is projecting their own traits, feelings, vulnerabilities of vulnerability onto the target – in this case on you.
Another example of psychological projection is when someone is rude to you for absolutely no reason. I am sure you know exactly what I am talking about because this kind of behaviour happens a lot. And when it happens you can be sure that you’re dealing with a projectile vomiter. Yeap, this is exactly what it is. A person who is impolite, disrespectful and thoughtless can’t regulate their negative emotions so as a coping mechanism they act like an asshole. And what is the best way to deal with so-called projectile vomiter? Well, if you ask me, I think that the best thing you can to protect your energy and remain unbothered is to use the “Gray Rock” method.
The Gray Rock Method is essentially about coming across as a boring, uninterested, indifferent and monotonous person. It is intended to make someone that is trying to provoke you to lose interest in doing so. Toxic/negative people love creating drama because they feed on negative energy. They feed on your emotional reaction that’s why they try to get you into twisting exhausting mental spin of argument. And all you have to do is to protect your energy.
4. Speak Less But More Wisely
How many times have you wanted to win the argument so bad that you have significantly decreased the possibility of positive resolution? Have you ever tried to change someone else’s mind that you became rude? I bet you have done it more than once. Who hasn’t?
Sometimes we are so convinced that the right is on our side that we are considering all possibilities to change some else’s opinion completely forgetting that we don’t have a monopoly on truth. No one has. Everyone has a different perception and understanding of things. And that’s ok. So if you expect others to respect your opinion you should do the same. You do have a right to your opinion, same as everyone else. And just because you don’t agree with someone it does not mean that they’re wrong. It’s time to acknowledge that.
What do you do when the inevitable difference of opinion happens? Well, acknowledge that everyone has a right to their opinion. Communication is everything. So if you have some valid points communicate them but don’t try to force your view on others. It’s disrespectful and can be offensive.
“Words are free, its how you use them that may cost you”. So use your words wisely. People tend to listen to those who choose their words carefully and speak with intention. You don’t need to win an argument to make your point.
5. Stop Being Jugdemental
Putting people into categories is something we all do because it helps us to feel safe and comfortable. And what more important than feeling safe, comfortable and secure? Well, probably challenging your existing beliefs and considering how new experiences can supercharge and accelerate your personal growth.
Judging and labelling others gives us ONLY an illusion of safety. And because it’s just an illusion it cannot create a solid foundation for meaningful, fulfilling and balanced life. So if you want to better understand others and their points of view listen carefully to what they say. “Don’t judge someone just because they sin differently than you.”
We tend to think that judging others it’s not a big deal and we have the right to do it. But the truth is, it is a BIG deal. Making judgements can have harmful and negative consequences not only because you never know what someone else is going through but also because you don’t have a monopoly on being right. Trust me, sometimes when you don’t have anything nice to say, the best option is not to say anything at all.
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Set your priorities straight
practice the art of being unbothered